Case Study One
This case study describes counselling work I conducted with an individual over the course of 14 months with his name changed to maintain anonymity.
Background to the client
At the start of counselling Tom was 43, married, and had two children aged 12 and 15. Tom came to me feeling his use of porn had become compulsive and that his acting out behaviour had recently escalated to the joining and participation in on-line forums with other men. His wife had recently made a discovery of Tom’s behaviour and had insisted that he take action.
Theme 1 – Addressing Tom’s acting out behaviour
The priority for Tom was to address his sexual acting out behaviour. He was particularly disturbed by his use of on-line forums, feeling ‘sullied’ by the nature of the discussions that were being had, and filled with a sense of shame. The work we did together clarified the patterns in Tom’s acting out behaviours and identified the triggers that led him to acting out. We then focused on Tom building resources and making use of his support network, including a 12-step group, to help him better manage his urges and to reduce the risk of relapse. The counselling work also involved the introduction of exercises and activities to help Tom better regulate his emotional world.
Theme 2 – Processing trauma
Once Tom felt relatively ‘stable’ and had experienced a substantial period of abstinence from both porn and the use on-line forums, we focused on what had contributed to the development of Tom’s compulsive behaviours in the first place. By undertaking a detailed history, it became clear that Tom had experienced significant neglect when growing up and often felt lonely and isolated. Tom recognised that he had minimised the importance of these early development experiences, but by revisiting them he started to see how significant they were, and how they continued to inform how he saw himself and the world around him as an adult. In our work together, we sought to re-frame these earlier experiences and to actively engage with the on-going anxieties he experienced as an adult rather than him seeking comfort from acting out behaviours.
Theme 3 – Healing Tom’s relationship with his wife
Tom’s wife’s discovery of his acting out behaviour had taken a heavy toll on both her and the relationship. In the work with Tom, we looked at practical ways to help the couple’s healing process. This extended to putting in place a mutually-agreed ‘accountability contract’ that helped his wife feel more in control and more reassured of Tom’s intent to leave his acting out behaviours behind him. We also looked at improving Tom ability to express his feelings with his wife and to be more vulnerable with her.
Case Study One
This case study describes counselling work I conducted with an individual over the course of 14 months with his name changed to maintain anonymity.
Background to the client
At the start of counselling Tom was 43, married, and had two children aged 12 and 15. Tom came to me feeling his use of porn had become compulsive and that his acting out behaviour had recently escalated to the joining and participation in on-line forums with other men. His wife had recently made a discovery of Tom’s behaviour and had insisted that he take action.
Theme 1 – Addressing Tom’s acting out behaviour
The priority for Tom was to address his sexual acting out behaviour. He was particularly disturbed by his use of on-line forums, feeling ‘sullied’ by the nature of the discussions that were being had, and filled with a sense of shame. The work we did together clarified the patterns in Tom’s acting out behaviours and identified the triggers that led him to acting out. We then focused on Tom building resources and making use of his support network, including a 12-step group, to help him better manage his urges and to reduce the risk of relapse. The counselling work also involved the introduction of exercises and activities to help Tom better regulate his emotional world.
Theme 2 – Processing trauma
Once Tom felt relatively ‘stable’ and had experienced a substantial period of abstinence from both porn and the use on-line forums, we focused on what had contributed to the development of Tom’s compulsive behaviours in the first place. By undertaking a detailed history, it became clear that Tom had experienced significant neglect when growing up and often felt lonely and isolated. Tom recognised that he had minimised the importance of these early development experiences, but by revisiting them he started to see how significant they were, and how they continued to inform how he saw himself and the world around him as an adult. In our work together, we sought to re-frame these earlier experiences and to actively engage with the on-going anxieties he experienced as an adult rather than him seeking comfort from acting out behaviours.
Theme 3 – Healing Tom’s relationship with his wife
Tom’s wife’s discovery of his acting out behaviour had taken a heavy toll on both her and the relationship. In the work with Tom, we looked at practical ways to help the couple’s healing process. This extended to putting in place a mutually-agreed ‘accountability contract’ that helped his wife feel more in control and more reassured of Tom’s intent to leave his acting out behaviours behind him. We also looked at improving Tom ability to express his feelings with his wife and to be more vulnerable with her.
Case Study One
This case study describes counselling work I conducted with an individual over the course of 14 months with his name changed to maintain anonymity.
Background to the client
At the start of counselling Tom was 43, married, and had two children aged 12 and 15. Tom came to me feeling his use of porn had become compulsive and that his acting out behaviour had recently escalated to the joining and participation in on-line forums with other men. His wife had recently made a discovery of Tom’s behaviour and had insisted that he take action.
Theme 1 – Addressing Tom’s acting out behaviour
The priority for Tom was to address his sexual acting out behaviour. He was particularly disturbed by his use of on-line forums, feeling ‘sullied’ by the nature of the discussions that were being had, and filled with a sense of shame. The work we did together clarified the patterns in Tom’s acting out behaviours and identified the triggers that led him to acting out. We then focused on Tom building resources and making use of his support network, including a 12-step group, to help him better manage his urges and to reduce the risk of relapse. The counselling work also involved the introduction of exercises and activities to help Tom better regulate his emotional world.
Theme 2 – Processing trauma
Once Tom felt relatively ‘stable’ and had experienced a substantial period of abstinence from both porn and the use on-line forums, we focused on what had contributed to the development of Tom’s compulsive behaviours in the first place. By undertaking a detailed history, it became clear that Tom had experienced significant neglect when growing up and often felt lonely and isolated. Tom recognised that he had minimised the importance of these early development experiences, but by revisiting them he started to see how significant they were, and how they continued to inform how he saw himself and the world around him as an adult. In our work together, we sought to re-frame these earlier experiences and to actively engage with the on-going anxieties he experienced as an adult rather than him seeking comfort from acting out behaviours.
Theme 3 – Healing Tom’s relationship with his wife
Tom’s wife’s discovery of his acting out behaviour had taken a heavy toll on both her and the relationship. In the work with Tom, we looked at practical ways to help the couple’s healing process. This extended to putting in place a mutually-agreed ‘accountability contract’ that helped his wife feel more in control and more reassured of Tom’s intent to leave his acting out behaviours behind him. We also looked at improving Tom ability to express his feelings with his wife and to be more vulnerable with her.